Pippadog does not have a promising new career ahead of him as Dr PippaFreud the pyschoanalyst dog.
In fact I would go as far as to say that I have screwed up totally. Just as I had put mistress down for an idle toe-rag who drifts from this to that she completely wrong paws me. Big time.
We went out this morning. She didn't play any games at getting-up time. I went in nice and early to try and get her out of bed because, remember, I can see the kitchen clock, and she can't.
She didn't say anything, didn't pretend to be asleep, just lay there, and then - chung - out of bed. Exactly the same time as yesterday. Is this woman spooky or what?
I took her for our walk and we met a couple of nice small new amigos. I decided it wasn't the day to be difficult, so I did waggy tails with them. In fact I even missed - oops I mean I chose to ignore - the two marmalade cats on the wall just up from my corral.
When we got back she made a coffee and had a cursory glance at emails and Land Rover forums (this is a morning ritual for both of them). Then I got my yummy breakfast. Immediately.
I was so surprised I only had time for one tiny bark. And mistress has got something called tins in its ear. I think. Anyway, it means she can't hear properly out of one ear which must be difficult.
Us dogs with super hearing, super smell, and super eyesight know that must be very hard. Mistress has rubbish eyesight, so if her hearing is down to 50% life must be difficult. And barking doesn't help.
And after my breakfast, she vacuumed up my dogs fur (and emptied the vacuum cleaner - seriously rare), washed the dishes and pans (uh??), watered the garden, stripped the bed, put a wash on - I cleared off outside for a lie-down as I was getting pretty tired watching all this, I tell you.
But just as I came to check on what she was up to next, she shut the door and picked up her keys. "Goody," I thought, "We're off for a walk." No, wrong again. She was off to the shops. She never goes shopping. But she came back with butter. Mmmmmmm. And we had buttered toast and grilled tomatoes. Serious yum.
In fact, in all the flurry of activity, I had forgotten I had not had a second breakfast. Mistress doesn't always have breakfast so then I miss out. And I have to say she was so busy today that she put the bread under the grill but then realised she had forgotten the tomato. But, all was grilled in the end and we happily ate our tomato on toast.
And then, she tied up her hair. (She had already put on her smart trousers and boots) and sat down at the table. With piles of papers. She did not move for hours. I thought she was poorly so I left the gate to come in and lie next to her and support her. I don't know if I helped.
At lunchtime, she beamed at me and we went for our walk. I was very well-behaved. This was not a mistress to argue with.
She came back and sat at the table again. Master rang to distract her. She sorted him and made a few more 'phone calls too. Back to papers. Meantime she made some lunch and ate it at the desk and table.
After 12 hours of this, she said: "I'm tired now Pippa. I'm going to have a rest before I start again." Fine by me mistress, I'm totally stunned. I have not seen a mistress like this before. (Note to self - have a dog to master chat when he returns.)
Then she gets up, we have a super long walk, up and down the hill, up and down the river bed, mistress cool and chilled, and me not putting a paw wrong. Oh no. I might not be Dr PippaFreud, but I am not totally stupid.
I wonder what will happen tomorrow? Oh, and I sneaked a look at some of the papers she was messing with. Legal complaints or something. Nothing of importance to us dogs though.
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